“Most of the successful people I've known are the ones who do more listening than talking."

Bernard Barugh, American financier and presidential advisor

Listening is a key skill for life, not just at work. But it’s more than simply hearing the sounds that come out of someone’s mouth. When we listen, truly listen, we’re taking the time to process and understand what the other party in our conversation is saying, and what they mean. 

When you think about the last time you truly felt heard, can you name that moment? 

If you’re a leader of a team – when's the last time they will have felt you listening to them? 

The only way we can empathise and grow is to listen to others. As a leader, listening to your team helps you to form better relationships, building trust and understanding. 

It will also help you to handle problems with people better, such as an absence issue or gaps in performance. Having a relationship where you could hold a difficult conversation with a team member and work together to resolve it creates a sense of psychological safety and champions you as a supportive mentor, rather than just a manager. Knowing that what they say will be considered and acted on helps your team to feel settled, and they know that they can come to you with an idea or voice their opinion about a concern – in a safe environment. It’s one of the secrets to a happy engaged and productive workforce. 

Where are we going wrong? 

We think we know what the other person is going to say

Have you heard of the closeness communication bias? This is where we tend to overestimate the effectiveness of our communication if we are close to them, such as a romantic partner, friend or colleague. The issue is that we start to make assumptions based on what we think the other person might say and stop listening to gain perspective.

During a conversation, we are already thinking about how we are going to reply to what has been said

We’ve all experienced that moment in a conversation where our minds wander off to come up with a response to what someone’s saying. Listening makes you feel vulnerable. We worry about upsetting someone with our word choices, which causes us to craft a considerate response in our minds. However, according to Kate Murphy in her book You’re not listening:, “the more you think about what to say, the more you miss, and the more likely it is that you’ll say the wrong thing when it’s your turn.”

Ego

When you have progressed in your career and been in a position for a considerable amount of time, you are often a confident subject matter expert in your field. However, this can lull you into a false sense of security so when someone’s opinion varies from yours, it feels like a slight against your beliefs, experience and ways of working.

So how can we be better listeners? Here are some of our top tips: 

‘Your internal stance should be of curiosity’ – Gillian Todd  

To be a better listener, we need to be curious about what the other person is saying. What context has it been brought up in? Why are they saying it now? What do they mean when they use a certain word? Ask questions out of curiosity, not to prove a point, set a trap, change someone’s mind or to make the other person look foolish.  

Practice active listening 

It’s easy to get distracted when we listen. We see something, hear another conversation, or our minds just tune out, which disrupts our capability to really understand. Next time you have a conversation, make sure that you make a conscious effort to focus on what’s being said and ask questions to help you understand. Then paraphrase what was said back so that you can check your knowledge of the conversation. It may feel a little bit awkward, but it helps you check your understanding and shows that you were listening fully. 

Check out this helpful video by MindTools to find out more. 

Wait until someone has finished speaking before you respond 

This may seem obvious, as interrupting is considered rude practice across many societies. However, as we spoke about earlier, we also need to consider our inner response to a conversation. Waiting to hear the entirety of a person’s point helps us to not jump to conclusions. Remember it’s okay to pause for a moment before you respond.

Practice persuasive listening – Adam Grant 

When talking to someone with a different view, show your respect for their opinion by asking them to explain ‘how’ they would make their view reality and really listen. Open your mind to accept the valid points you can agree with and find some common ground. This will help you immensely if your aim is to persuade them of your view. Expert negotiators listen first and find common ground before seeking to find a resolution.  

How can Enthuse help: 

Want to improve your listening and communication skills?  

Communication Bootcamp has been created by experts who understand the issues you face and have a proven success rate of transforming leaders’ communication skills to create more engaged teams who feel and perform better.   

Working through a series of modules tailored to your needs, through a blend of group coaching, peer exercises, home learning, and 1:1 training sessions, you’ll learn how to: 

• Create an environment where every individual can do their best work  

• Understand, apply, and adapt different leadership styles to engage your employees   

• Connect your team to your organisation’s vision  

• Feel confident and clear about how to communicate with different groups using different techniques, platforms, and styles  

• Develop your own Personal Engagement Plan with wraparound support to stay accountable and consistent   

Ready to chat about how much Communication Bootcamp will strengthen your employee engagement and pump up your productivity levels? We’d love to chat about how Communication Bootcamp could work for you and your organisation. 

• Call Andrea on 07812343310   

• Email us at hello@enthuse-comms.co.uk and tell us about your goals  

• Try our Mini Bootcamp Two-Week Challenge – register for free here.